divorce family May 12, 2020

©2020 Andrea La Rochelle

My ego can get the best of me.  Like, full on, I’m right – you’re wrong, ego.  Full on ‘Andrea, you are small, incapable and useless.’ It doesn’t happen often anymore and when it does happen, it passes quickly.  THANK HEAVENS.

But you know where my ego still trips me up???

When a seed of doubt is planted.  As soon as doubt creeps into my head, my ego takes over and has as tug of war with my sanity.

And once I fall into my doubt pattern?  Watch. Out.

Doubt = easily manipulated.

And I hate, hate, hate being manipulated.

I didn’t end up with a person with high conflict tendencies in my life because I’m dumb, or a victim or weak – I’m none of those things.

I ended up with a person with high conflict tendencies in my life because I consider all angles before making a decision, because I’m sensitive to how my decisions affect those around me and because my ego likes to take over when doubt has been planted and say ‘See, I told you you didn’t know what was best.’

And once ego creeps in, the second guessing starts… and the hamster wheel of thinking, fixing, rationalizing speeds up… and we’re so exhausted by our thoughts and inability to better manage our personal life that not only do we fall into doubt but our confidence starts to take a kicking.

With one planted seed of doubt grows a garden of low self confidence leaving you ripe for manipulation.

And because ending up with a person with high conflict tendencies is not something a smart, educated, (formerly) confident person (but presents as confident to the outside world)  does – that person doesn’t seek help, instead they isolate themselves because they are embarrassed.

Embarrassed that they were manipulated.  Embarrassed that ‘it happened to them.  And terrified of what that all means.

Our ego’s thrive when we’re at our lowest.  And we’re at our lowest when doubt has been planted.

HOMEWORK: When was the last time you doubted something?  Why did you doubt it?  And who planted the seed of doubt?


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